BABY STORIES

Dear Lisbeth,

I just wanted to tell you about some cute things that have happened recently.

You are 8 months old, 15lbs 9oz and wearing 0-3 months size clothing.

First of all, you've got two teeth and a third one coming in! It's pretty exciting.

The other day, I was sitting on the couch, holding you, and the guy next to me had a beard. I showed you his beard and you were so interested. You are always fascinated by beards. You kept grabbing his beard and touching it, then you looked at me and touched my naked face, as if you were asking me where my beard was. It was so cute to see you looking and noticing the difference.

We were at this Asian place and I went to the bathroom and as I came back you looked at me and made an excited squeal that sounded just like the word mommy.

My case worker was holding you and you kept scratching your butt and she jokingly said, "hey you, don't scratch your butt in public. Don't you have any manners?" And you just started wailing and instantly we were both like "oh honey! It's ok baby, you can scratch your butt all you want."

And you do. You have this baby obsession with scratching your butt every chance you get.

This one time my friend was trying to feed you and you wouldn't eat so I said "hey, eat your food you little hooligan" and tears just welled up and you started crying your eyes out, how dare mean old mommy call that precious angel a hooligan.

When you were really little, like a month old, I put you in a watermelon by the pool. I thought you might like to splash your feet in the water so I dipped your toes into the pool and you instantly started squalling. I think it was just too cold for you. We'll have to try this summer.

02-24-14 you had to get baby shots yesterday and so you had bandaids on your legs. This morning I heard you cough and I looked to find you had pulled one of the bandaids off of your leg and you were trying to eat it.

Three days in a row now you've pooped while I was trying to change your diaper. You're on a roll.

FEEDING DIFFICULTIES

Dear Baby,

Mommy is getting worried about you. Your doctors and I are trying very hard to encourage you to get all of the nutrition that you need by mouth, that is, taking bottles on your own.

You are doing very well, and making tremendous progress, but I am afraid we will run out of time. Right now you are five and a half months old and weigh 12lbs 10oz.

The doctors have said that if we can't get to the point where they feel comfortable removing your NG tube by the end of the year, that they want to start considering a G tube directly into your stomach.

I do not want that for you. While other families have said it's been the best thing they've done for their babies, I want you to be able to live as normal a life as possible. I don't want you to have to deal with nosy people asking questions or feel nervous to wear a two piece bathing suit if you want to.

I want you to be well enough that they don't worry about having to get access to give you medicine or fluids in case of a metabolic crisis.

Last week was a rough one. Each week they try to push you just a little closer to your goal, but this time I think we pushed you too hard. On the bright side, we are now having bottles all day, but unfortunately you're still on the pump at night. I guess that's good cos I can sleep, but it means we're still relying on your NG tube, which I don't want.

You started out by crying at night, waking up all night and unable to sleep properly becos you had a stomach ache. You were throwing up every night. I just think the pump was increased too much. So we turned it down and you have been able to sleep well since, but are still throwing up, though it's barely any at all now. I'm hoping that tomorrow you won't throw up any more.

I was so scared the other night. I picked you up to change your diaper, and you threw up while you were lying down and started choking. I sat you up and patted your back trying to help you, but you were flailing your arms and legs, kicking furiously and wiggling your head, panicking. You weren't crying or coughing or anything, so I knew there was no air getting to you. I was panicking too, and just as I was reaching for my phone to call the ambulance, you started coughing. I kept patting you, trying to help you, and eventually you were screaming your poor little head off, and I knew you could breathe again. I cleaned your baby face, your eyes were bright red from being burned by the throw up. We took a nice bath and got you all cleaned up and into some new comfy pajamas.

It really scared me, and I felt horrible that something like that happened to you. I feel like it's my fault and the doctors' fault for trying to push you too hard. I'm so sorry, baby. I just want you to be able to be the normal, healthy and happy baby I know you are. I love you so much.

BODY MODS

Dear Lisbeth,

I am sure that you know, even now as a little sweet baby, that mommy has "shiny stuff" in her face. I have always liked body modifications, but people often ask me what will I say to you if you ask for it. I didn't really have to give it much thought, as the answers seem obvious to me.

If you ask to color your hair some crazy color, to have dreadlocks or a mohawk or extensions, I will certainly allow it. After all, hair grows back if you decide that you don't like it. I just ask that you let me help you, and don't try to do it on your own, to make sure that it is done properly and turns out well.

If you ask me for a body piercing or gauges, depending on your age, I will certainly consider it. Body piercing is expensive and uncomfortable, so you should definitely think it through before punching needles through your body. Maybe I would take you to get a piercing you wanted as a reward for academic excellence or something along those lines.

If you asked me for a tattoo, I would be much more hesitant in agreeing. Tattoos are very permanent, and while I don't know how things will be 15 or 20 years from now, as it is, there are a lot of ways that people still discriminate against those with tattoos, and I wouldn't want you to be held back in any way. Also, people's tastes change over time, and a tattoo you might love as a teenager, you might hate as an adult, so you must take at least a year or two to consider whether you really want a tattoo as much as you think you do. Additionally, once you tattoo a certain part of your body, you can't put any other tattoo there, so you must make extra sure that it's what you want.

The short answer is, I want you to be happy, to trust me, and to feel free to love and express yourself, but to do so with wisdom and reservation.

MOVING AND SHAKING

Oh Lisbeth,

Your mommy is so proud of you. Darling, you're just doing so well. I am so happy to see all of the things you're learning to do. Right now, you are 11lbs 12 oz, 23 inches tall and in just one week you will be a whole 5 months old.

Every day, I watch you advance and become stronger and smarter. It's an absolutely incredible thing. You are able to hold your head up so well, although you still wobble a little at times. I never get tired of seeing your big, bright eyes looking all around as you turn your head back and forth.

I am so entertained, if I hold you up like you're standing, you push your little legs against me, and take little wobbly steps. I feel like if we keep playing like this, you'll be walking in no time! It's so cute how you push yourself up when lying on your belly, and kick those little baby frog legs. I can't wait to see you succeed at walking and crawling after all of your hard work. Your physical therapist said we need to practice sitting up more, though, so that you don't fall behind in that area.

I haven't really caught you doing it yet, but I know you can roll over. We came home the other day and you had fallen asleep in your car seat. I unbuckled the straps, and after I put your things down, I turned around and you had rolled onto your belly and stretched out with your chunky little baby legs hanging over the edge of the car seat. It's just so cute watching you get comfortable in your sleep.

I love to hold you while you're sleeping. I just love you more than any words could ever say, and that closeness just makes me so happy. I always think to myself, "I wish that you understood even a fraction of how much I love you, and how much you mean to me," but then I think that you already do. I just hope that you love me just as much. <3

WTB 4 LISBETH

Dear Honey,

I want to give you the best life you can possibly have. Part of that would be giving you a great childhood. Here is a list, so that I don't forget, of things I would like to get for you.

Baby's First Christmas Ornament
Stocking
Dress Up Costume Box
Play-Doh
Legos
Silly String
Magic Rocks Aquarium

Lincoln Logs

Vintage Baby Toys

DRESS UP

Dear Lisbeth,

Having you as my sweet, cuddly little infant daughter has been an absolute treasure so far. You are about 3 and a half months old right now.

I am starting to notice more and more things that I am really looking forward to doing with you. As I think of them, I will list them here. It will be interesting to know how I imagine the different moments in our life together, and then to see how things happen when the moment finally arrives.

One thing that I am really looking forward to is dressing you and helping you find your own style. Of course (I have no idea what I will look like when this happens) I have a dark style and would love it if you did too.

I can just imagine you with little skulls and plaid skirts and little baby fishnet stockings and boots, and your little motorcycle jacket <3

I also think it would be so precious if you end up being very girly and loving hair bows and fluffy skirts and pink, lovely outfits.

I feel like I can imagine all the possibilities I want, and no matter what I envision, you will come up with something completely beautiful and unique, and find your own style that makes you happy.

I can't wait until we can pick out clothes together, and go shopping, and I can fix up your soft, beautiful hair and paint your fingernails for you. I'm sure someday you'll want to paint my nails and do my makeup, cos little girls always do.

I would love to teach you how to customize clothing (as long as you ask me before you cut up something nice!), and we can make kandi jewelry together, or cosplay outfits. We can get your ears pierced if you like, but I want to wait until you're old enough to understand what's going on and decide if you want to do it or not.

Basically, sweetheart, I am just so in love with you and I am really looking forward to all of the fun we will have together.

I love you so much :)

I DREAMED A DREAM

I dreamed this morning that David had you in a grocery basket and was pushing you around his work, showing you to all of his coworkers, and that he was so happy and in love with you. It was my ideal family, just you, me and David. I wonder if that dream really can come true.