FEEDING DIFFICULTIES

Dear Baby,

Mommy is getting worried about you. Your doctors and I are trying very hard to encourage you to get all of the nutrition that you need by mouth, that is, taking bottles on your own.

You are doing very well, and making tremendous progress, but I am afraid we will run out of time. Right now you are five and a half months old and weigh 12lbs 10oz.

The doctors have said that if we can't get to the point where they feel comfortable removing your NG tube by the end of the year, that they want to start considering a G tube directly into your stomach.

I do not want that for you. While other families have said it's been the best thing they've done for their babies, I want you to be able to live as normal a life as possible. I don't want you to have to deal with nosy people asking questions or feel nervous to wear a two piece bathing suit if you want to.

I want you to be well enough that they don't worry about having to get access to give you medicine or fluids in case of a metabolic crisis.

Last week was a rough one. Each week they try to push you just a little closer to your goal, but this time I think we pushed you too hard. On the bright side, we are now having bottles all day, but unfortunately you're still on the pump at night. I guess that's good cos I can sleep, but it means we're still relying on your NG tube, which I don't want.

You started out by crying at night, waking up all night and unable to sleep properly becos you had a stomach ache. You were throwing up every night. I just think the pump was increased too much. So we turned it down and you have been able to sleep well since, but are still throwing up, though it's barely any at all now. I'm hoping that tomorrow you won't throw up any more.

I was so scared the other night. I picked you up to change your diaper, and you threw up while you were lying down and started choking. I sat you up and patted your back trying to help you, but you were flailing your arms and legs, kicking furiously and wiggling your head, panicking. You weren't crying or coughing or anything, so I knew there was no air getting to you. I was panicking too, and just as I was reaching for my phone to call the ambulance, you started coughing. I kept patting you, trying to help you, and eventually you were screaming your poor little head off, and I knew you could breathe again. I cleaned your baby face, your eyes were bright red from being burned by the throw up. We took a nice bath and got you all cleaned up and into some new comfy pajamas.

It really scared me, and I felt horrible that something like that happened to you. I feel like it's my fault and the doctors' fault for trying to push you too hard. I'm so sorry, baby. I just want you to be able to be the normal, healthy and happy baby I know you are. I love you so much.

BODY MODS

Dear Lisbeth,

I am sure that you know, even now as a little sweet baby, that mommy has "shiny stuff" in her face. I have always liked body modifications, but people often ask me what will I say to you if you ask for it. I didn't really have to give it much thought, as the answers seem obvious to me.

If you ask to color your hair some crazy color, to have dreadlocks or a mohawk or extensions, I will certainly allow it. After all, hair grows back if you decide that you don't like it. I just ask that you let me help you, and don't try to do it on your own, to make sure that it is done properly and turns out well.

If you ask me for a body piercing or gauges, depending on your age, I will certainly consider it. Body piercing is expensive and uncomfortable, so you should definitely think it through before punching needles through your body. Maybe I would take you to get a piercing you wanted as a reward for academic excellence or something along those lines.

If you asked me for a tattoo, I would be much more hesitant in agreeing. Tattoos are very permanent, and while I don't know how things will be 15 or 20 years from now, as it is, there are a lot of ways that people still discriminate against those with tattoos, and I wouldn't want you to be held back in any way. Also, people's tastes change over time, and a tattoo you might love as a teenager, you might hate as an adult, so you must take at least a year or two to consider whether you really want a tattoo as much as you think you do. Additionally, once you tattoo a certain part of your body, you can't put any other tattoo there, so you must make extra sure that it's what you want.

The short answer is, I want you to be happy, to trust me, and to feel free to love and express yourself, but to do so with wisdom and reservation.

MOVING AND SHAKING

Oh Lisbeth,

Your mommy is so proud of you. Darling, you're just doing so well. I am so happy to see all of the things you're learning to do. Right now, you are 11lbs 12 oz, 23 inches tall and in just one week you will be a whole 5 months old.

Every day, I watch you advance and become stronger and smarter. It's an absolutely incredible thing. You are able to hold your head up so well, although you still wobble a little at times. I never get tired of seeing your big, bright eyes looking all around as you turn your head back and forth.

I am so entertained, if I hold you up like you're standing, you push your little legs against me, and take little wobbly steps. I feel like if we keep playing like this, you'll be walking in no time! It's so cute how you push yourself up when lying on your belly, and kick those little baby frog legs. I can't wait to see you succeed at walking and crawling after all of your hard work. Your physical therapist said we need to practice sitting up more, though, so that you don't fall behind in that area.

I haven't really caught you doing it yet, but I know you can roll over. We came home the other day and you had fallen asleep in your car seat. I unbuckled the straps, and after I put your things down, I turned around and you had rolled onto your belly and stretched out with your chunky little baby legs hanging over the edge of the car seat. It's just so cute watching you get comfortable in your sleep.

I love to hold you while you're sleeping. I just love you more than any words could ever say, and that closeness just makes me so happy. I always think to myself, "I wish that you understood even a fraction of how much I love you, and how much you mean to me," but then I think that you already do. I just hope that you love me just as much. <3

WTB 4 LISBETH

Dear Honey,

I want to give you the best life you can possibly have. Part of that would be giving you a great childhood. Here is a list, so that I don't forget, of things I would like to get for you.

Baby's First Christmas Ornament
Stocking
Dress Up Costume Box
Play-Doh
Legos
Silly String
Magic Rocks Aquarium

Lincoln Logs

Vintage Baby Toys

DRESS UP

Dear Lisbeth,

Having you as my sweet, cuddly little infant daughter has been an absolute treasure so far. You are about 3 and a half months old right now.

I am starting to notice more and more things that I am really looking forward to doing with you. As I think of them, I will list them here. It will be interesting to know how I imagine the different moments in our life together, and then to see how things happen when the moment finally arrives.

One thing that I am really looking forward to is dressing you and helping you find your own style. Of course (I have no idea what I will look like when this happens) I have a dark style and would love it if you did too.

I can just imagine you with little skulls and plaid skirts and little baby fishnet stockings and boots, and your little motorcycle jacket <3

I also think it would be so precious if you end up being very girly and loving hair bows and fluffy skirts and pink, lovely outfits.

I feel like I can imagine all the possibilities I want, and no matter what I envision, you will come up with something completely beautiful and unique, and find your own style that makes you happy.

I can't wait until we can pick out clothes together, and go shopping, and I can fix up your soft, beautiful hair and paint your fingernails for you. I'm sure someday you'll want to paint my nails and do my makeup, cos little girls always do.

I would love to teach you how to customize clothing (as long as you ask me before you cut up something nice!), and we can make kandi jewelry together, or cosplay outfits. We can get your ears pierced if you like, but I want to wait until you're old enough to understand what's going on and decide if you want to do it or not.

Basically, sweetheart, I am just so in love with you and I am really looking forward to all of the fun we will have together.

I love you so much :)

I DREAMED A DREAM

I dreamed this morning that David had you in a grocery basket and was pushing you around his work, showing you to all of his coworkers, and that he was so happy and in love with you. It was my ideal family, just you, me and David. I wonder if that dream really can come true.

LCHAD DISCOVERY

What's wrong with my baby??! She's been not crying, but SCREAMING all day and all last night, she's barely eaten anything and now she keeps crossing her eyes really far and I'm getting pretty freaked out! What's wrong with her?

I took the baby to the hospital, they ordered stomach x-rays to look for some kind of kink in her stomach to explain why she hasn't been eating the past two days.

They checked her blood sugar to find it at 39, where 60 is "critical/life threatening." She was also found to be extremely dehydrated. They gave her a glucose shot hoping to bring it up but it dropped further, down to 31. They tried three times to get an IV on her without success,and gave her an oral glucose gel on the way to Cincinnati Children's Hospital.

There they checked her sugar again, it had come up to 40. They rushed her to the trauma room, where they stuck her literally around 15 times trying to get that IV, even after calling "vascular access experts."

They were about to shave her hair and try to put one in her head, but some kind of surgeon came down and finally got an IV started in her neck.

They pumped all kinds of fluids and antibiotics, they took 6 or 7 containers of blood from her femoral artery, did a spinal tap.

I'm exhausted from crying so hard, but she's finally bundled up, sleeping in my arms as we wait for results. They're not talking pink eye. They've suggested blood infections, meningitis, LCHAD, and all sorts of awful possibilities.

One after another, test results are coming back negative, normal, etc. No clues yet as to what's bothering my poor darling.

They have discovered an enlarged liver, though, which they said can be indicative of genetic abnormalities (LCHAD) so they're calling a team of geneticists to try and help.

Sigh. At least she seems in relatively good spirits, all things considered :(

I'm trying so hard to take good care of my baby. Despite everything that's happened, she seems to be returning to her cute, jolly little self. She still hasn't eaten hardly anything for three days now, but tonight her appetite seemed to slowly start picking back up. She was actually eating :) that's a good sign!

The geneticists at Children's have decided that the baby for sure has LCHAD, and are just waiting on labs to confirm it on paper. 

They are really wanting to get her off of her IV fluids probably tomorrow. They recommended that instead of breast milk, which has lots of the long-chain fats that her body can't break down, that I start exclusively feeding her a very specific kind of formula which has very few long-chain fats and lots of medium-chain fats, which will help her process her nutrients better and give her extra energy which she needs. I'm extremely sad about not being able to breastfeed her anymore, but I want whatever is the healthiest for her.

They also discovered that her heart and liver are enlarged, but functioning well. Blood tests revealed that she is low on many electrolytes, so they're giving her magnesium and potassium supplements orally and through her picc line. It also turns out that she's anemic, which could possibly explain why she stopped eating. The hemotologist ordered a blood transfusion for her this evening, which should theoretically to wonders for her.

Otherwise, her sugars are stable, so they've decided to stop doing the routine heel sticks, and reduced the renal panels to every 12 hours instead of every 8. So basically, no more getting stuck! 

Hopefully this specialized formula, blood transfusions and electrolyte supplements will fix her up quickly and she'll be feeling better in no time.

They just inserted a nasogastric feeding tube, now we will be able to get some food in her little belly. Four days of eating almost nothing is far too much. With her new formula and electrolyte supplements going into her system, in addition to the blood transfusions they'll be starting, I am hopeful that she'll be feeling better relatively soon.

My morning started with me waking up at 6am due to Lisbeth screaming. Two vascular access nurses were reaching into her bed so I jumped up and went to her to find them with a tourniquet around her arm about to stick her to take blood. I was furious. I have expressly said that if they want to do ANYTHING they better make sure I'm there and awake. I raged at them, the regular nurse, the team of doctors and made it very clear that that was unacceptable. I must have made myself clear becos Lisbeth's current nurse insisted on strapping her to a backboard to keep her from moving her arm and occluding the IV infusion, but when Katrina Strange told her she'd better wake me up and clear it with me first, she decided she didn't really need the backboard after all.

Also, Lisbeth's picc line clogged so they had to try to flush it out, but they may not be able to draw blood from it anymore. If that's the case, she will have to have a new line put in or be stuck every time they need blood work, which I refuse to allow. The problem with the picc lines is that her veins are just so small, they can't fit a catheter in that is certainly big enough to easily draw blood from. They will have to come up with something quickly.

As far as blood goes, the transfusion helped immensely. Her levels are back up to normal, so she is not considered to be anemic at the moment. However, the hemotologists discovered that the reason for her anemia in the first place is that she has a condition called xerocytosis, which is dehydrated red blood cells. The dehydrated cells are more prone to bursting, causing low red blood cell count (anemia). However, they can't be sure just yet whether the xerocytosis is due to the LCHAD, or if it's a separate issue.

There is also an issue with the alkaline phosphatase level in her body being inexplicably elevated, so the endocrinologists are running some tests to see if the problem could be coming from her liver or her bones.

She still isn't eating, which was the initial reason we came to the hospital. She keeps vomiting her formula, so they have put her on a pump that will slowly pump food for her over a two hour period. Each time, she seems to vomit a bit less, so hopefully we can make some progress in this aspect soon.

After dealing with some unbelievable ignorance from a certain person on Facebook today, I do have a few small but bittersweet updates to report.

Lisbeth has now been disconnected from her IV fluids, her heart monitor, and her pulse ox. The only thing she remains hooked up to is the pump that feeds her, which is for two out of every three hours.

She had been throwing up a little less each feed, until this morning when for some reason she vomited half of her breakfast. On the bright side, though, she did actually drink from a bottle for about two or three minutes, which is a huge improvement. Now if she can just keep at it.

The doctors need a bunch of labs tonight, but then said they are going to try to reduce her blood draws to once a day. However, there is still a big access problem. Her picc line is a 1.9f picc, which means it is extremely tiny, so tiny that you can't really even see the hole that the fluid moves through. For some reason, they can no longer draw blood from it. The vascular access team has decided that her veins are all too small to place a larger picc, so they need to come up with a way to draw blood several times without sticking her over and over.

Also, when Lisbeth was born they did a routine newborn screen that said she might have LCHAD, but I just now got a paper in the mail saying that when she was just 9 days old they confirmed a fatty acid oxidation disorder (LCHAD). So I'm pretty upset that they knew this whole time that something was wrong and didn't even notify me for three months.

Otherwise, Lisbeth seems to be feeling much better so far this morning, aside from having thrown up. She's alert, curious, watching people. Every time she looks at me, I try to smile at her. Even though I am fighting hard not to break down into hysterics, I want her to see me smile and try to understand that everything is going to be ok. I think it will still be a while before we can go home... :(

One of Lisbeth's doctor's said that the instance of carriers for these autosomal recessive disorders is extremely low. So low, in fact, that the chance that her father and I are "distantly related is very, very high." I'm like, lol, it's impossible, trust me. We're Croatian and he's Native American. Not possible.

Sigh. These days in the hospital are becoming uneventful, which really is harder to deal with than major issues every day.

Lisbeth still won't eat, so they've slowed down her food pump to continuously deliver formula, 24 hours a day.

The IV that they gave her to try to draw blood from isn't drawing anymore, so they're going to have to stick her again.

I met with the hepatology team today, they are asking for an ultrasound of her liver. They are trying to find out why her "alk-phos" levels are elevated. They said that she may also have some fat deposits on her liver, which is what happens when people with LCHAD eat the long-chain fats that their bodies cannot process (apparently breast milk is high in long-chain fats). They did say, however, that as she eats a specialized, low fat diet, it should return to normal.

On top of all of her other problems, poor Lisbeth has developed a horrible diaper rash. It is so bad that it was bleeding a tiny bit yesterday, and she screams during every change, even though we're being absolutely as gentle as possible.

The doctors said that to hope to be going home by this weekend would be pretty optimistic. :(

Oh thank God. They were able to get her IV working again so they didn't have to stick Lisbeth this morning.

Baby got an abdominal ultrasound. The sonographer said everything looks good but haven't talked the results over with her doctors.

UPDATE: Lisbeth is starting to eat again, her blood looks excellent after yesterday's transfusion, and if she keeps on keeping on, they're talking about trying to get us out of here by Friday!!

I'm getting very mentally exhausted by this entire ordeal, so I'm not really sure where to start.

A few small updates, Lisbeth's acetylcarnatine profile should be back this morning, the test which confirms LCHAD on paper. They're increasing the speed at which Lisbeth's pump feeds her, as well as trying to get her to take 5mLs of formula from a bottle twice a day. She only took one bottle today, but the second time we had woken her up from a nap and she was pretty grumpy.

They told me (I think) yesterday morning that her red blood cell count had dropped dramatically again and that she needed another blood transfusion, so they did that yesterday. This (wed) morning they told me that the transfusion had again made an immense difference for her, and that if her levels stayed up, that we could likely go home on Friday. If something were to happen though, they will not hesitate to keep us longer.

A wound care team came to take a look at Lisbeth's diaper rash becos it was so severe. They gave me special medicated baby wipes to use, some kind of powder to put on her, then a "New-Skin" type spray to go on top of that, and finally a thick diaper rash lotion at the end. It sounds excessive, but her poor peaches were deep red and bleeding, and she would scream at every change. I could tell when she needed a clean diaper becos she would instantly start screaming as soon as anything touched her little booty. Now, it is significantly improved, she doesn't cry when I change her anymore, and I expect that by this time tomorrow it will be completely resolved, or close to it.

On the topic of going home, we have so much to do. They will be sending her home with the NG tube, so I have to learn how to replace it in the event that she pulls it out. I have to learn how to operate her feeding pump, and when to feed her and when to stop it, as they've got her on a strict schedule right now. I have to learn how to make her formula, but that will be a cakewalk compared to everything else.

The geneticist, Dr. Burrow, will be Lisbeth's primary geneticist. He will supervise her care for years, as will Ms. Kim Page, the metabolic dietician. Kim has written out some instructions to help me, and brought me a diaper bag with several little goodies inside. They really are trying their best to help. 

As I'm writing this I have to keep stopping to take care of Lisbeth, she keeps rubbing her nose and eyes like they're itching. That makes me pretty nervous becos she could pull her NG tube out, or she might be coming down with something. God, I sure hope not.

We're almost there. The doctors have all agreed that we can go home tomorrow, I just have to complete certain training classes and get a few things set up first.

I had to pull out Lisbeth's NG tube and put in a new one so that I would know how to do it in the event that she pulls it out. I fought so hard not to break down, she was crying so hard. Not becos it hurt, apparently it just feels weird going down and she was so angry :(

They're getting ready to take her picc line out in a bit, so that will be good. They prolly won't take the IV out until right before we leave though.

The doctors said all of her levels look great today. The acetylcarnatine profile came back, confirming that she for sure has either LCHAD or trifunctional protein deficiency, though apparently it doesn't matter which one it is becos the treatment is exactly the same and the test showing which one won't be back for around two months.

I am really happy about getting out of here, but for some reason I'm very depressed right now. Prolly becos I know I did something on purpose that upset her so much and she was staring at me the whole time like "how could you do this to me!? I trusted you!" :(

Yep, I feel horrible. Lisbeth was so happy this morning and now she's just crying her eyes out and having a terrible day.

I had to tape kitty cat socks on her hands cos she already pulled the NG tube halfway out and I had to push it back in. My poor baby, she's having such a hard day :(

Lisbeth has been up goofing off all night, so I turned on Aladdin for her to watch. It's the first time I've ever put on a movie for her, and she was out like a light before the end of the opening credits.

I'm getting quite frustrated. Everyone was getting us all hyped up that we were going home today, but this morning they said we would have to wait until Tuesday.

The reason is not becos of anything Lisbeth or I did. She is well enough to go home. However, I can't get home until my car gets fixed and my broken tooth pulled, so we will have to go to KY for a little bit until that happens. The problem is that they insist that we get home nursing, but KY nurses can't Bill OH Caresource, and OH nurses can't work across state lines. Supposedly. This makes me so frustrated cos sitting here for five more days isn't going to change the fact that we can't go home without going to KY first.

So now they've got a home nurse from the hospital up here teaching me how to set up and operate her food pump and getting the supplies ready to go home tomorrow. First they said they were going to switch her to a different formula, but now they're keeping her on the Lipistart? 

It seems like a huge tangled mess to me, but as I understand it, we are going home tomorrow.

OMG I just want to scream. Now people are coming in telling me it's impossible to go home tomorrow, and we have to stay til Tuesday and the only way that will work is if we go home to Dayton. What part of I CANT DO THAT don't these people understand? Its becoming very difficult to keep my cool around all this miscommunication and bullshit red tape. Just let us walk out the door and forget about it!

I don't even know what to say. Now apparently they've all collaborated and we're going home today. I want to be happy but I'm too convinced that someone will come in ten mins from now and tell me we have to stay. I'm unbelievably frustrated and even more stressed out than before.

Just signed Lisbeth's release papers!!! All packed up and ready to go, just waiting on transport. Actually, they just walked in! :D

Finally home! I am so incredibly relieved. I really want to take a minute and say thank you to everyone who prayed for us, wished us well, shared or liked our statuses and followed my posts the past two weeks. I am so grateful <3

BEFORE YOU WERE BORN

Sweet Lisbeth,

I want to take the time to tell you about your being born.

For a long while, before you were even a twinkle in Mommy's eye, I knew I wanted a baby so badly. I wanted my very own little treasure to love and snuggle and adore, but I knew the time wasn't right. I had no money, no real good job, no home of my own. I wanted to be stable and have a good, safe place to bring a baby.

I knew I couldn't have a baby just yet, so I thought a puppy would be a good idea. A puppy requires constant love and care and attention, the same as a baby. Coincidentally, I found Cody, and it soon became clear that we needed each other. Cody became my first baby.

We lived with someone who got evicted, and having nowhere to go, we became homeless. Your big brother Cody and I lived in my car for a while, but it started to get cold.

One day, I woke up with terrible pain in my stomach. I went to the hospital, and in just a few hours I found out that I had gallstones and needed surgery to have my gallbladder out.

I was pretty scared, and as I was lying on the operating table ready to be put to sleep, a nurse came to me and asked, "Did you know you were pregnant?"

I was so shocked and in disbelief. I could only ask, "Are you sure?" The nurses all nodded. I didn't really have time to process the thought before they put me to sleep for the surgery. That was October 14, 2013.

After that, I knew I couldn't recover from surgery and be pregnant in my car. I had to send Cody to live with a foster family and I had to go to the homeless shelter. I stayed there until a week before Christmas, then I lived with a girl in Englewood for a month. Her boyfriend was a criminal and a drug addict, though, so I in February I moved in with my boyfriend's family.

During this time of moving around so much, I kept all of my doctor's appointments to keep an eye on you. I was so sick while I was pregnant, I had pneumonia, I was hospitalized a few times for severe dehydration, and I kept throwing up so much that I lost 40lbs. I always got so happy when I thought about you though, or when I could feel you wiggling and kicking around in my belly. I wondered what I should name you. If you were a boy, I wanted to name you Anakin, or Nathaniel Alexander, becos Nathaniel was my boyfriend's name, and he always wanted to name his child Alexander. If you were a girl, I had so many names picked out. Dahlia, Katja, Magda, Vitula, or maybe Daala or Mara Jade.

One day, my boyfriend said, "If the baby is a girl, we should name her Samantha Alexandria." I knew that he almost certainly chose the name after the dog in the movie I Am Legend, and I refused to name my child after a dog. Since we both love movies, I wanted to suggest an alternative name, so I came up with Lisbeth, from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. That girl is strong, extremely intelligent, she is courageous, stylish, cool, she stands up for herself and refuses to be mistreated by anyone. I thought that she has many good qualities, and would be a good person to be named after.

By the end of March, an organization that helps homeless people find houses had gotten me an apartment. It was absolutely wonderful. You even had your own room and Cody came home to live with us. So many people came forward to help, and the apartment was fully furnished in just a week.

It was one of the happiest times, when we finally had our own home where we could be a family. It was wonderful.

OH THE PLACES WE'LL GO

Dear Lisbeth,

There are many, many children these days who live their lives constantly under the control of video games, television, computers and various electronics. They grow up without learning to fully understand the English language, without face-to-face communication skills or a close, personal bond with their families.

I don't want this for you. I want to do everything I can for you, to help you grow up into a well-mannered, well-educated young woman.

Part of what I want to do for you is to take you on wonderful adventures. I want to help you build great memories, to learn and have fun together, as well as teaching you to enjoy tangible activities rather than rely on electronics for stimulation.

You are too little to understand right now, so we'll have to wait til you're a little bit older before we start adventuring together, but as I think of things I would like to do or places I'd want to take you, I will compile a list here.

CINCINNATI ZOO
COLUMBUS ZOO
NEWPORT AQUARIUM
COX ARBORATUM
WPAFB AIR FORCE MUSEUM
KALAHARI WATER RESORT
GREAT WOLF LODGE
WOLF CREEK HABITAT
CINCINNATI MUSEUM CENTER
INDIANAPOLIS CHILDREN'S MUSEUM
OHIO STATE FAIR
OHIO RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL

FEEDING DUCKS AT A POND

MAMAW & PAPAW

Sweet Lisbeth,

I want to tell you about your grandparents, especially becos there is a chance that they won't be here when you're old enough to remember them.

They are good people, despite the fact that they have had a lot of troubles in their lives. Your papaw is blind with cataracts and crippled, he has no endurance to walk becos his heart is failing. He turned 72 just a few weeks after you were born. 

Your mamaw has been in a wheelchair for the past two years, she broke her back after getting out of the hospital for heart failure. She is back in the hospital now due to a broken hip. She's been there for 3 weeks, though she should be out this weekend. She is 61, and her birthday is just 4 days after Mommy's.

I feel it's so important to tell you about them becos they love you so much. They have a lot of troubles and things that make them tired and depressed.

When your cousins Lillian and Selena were born, Mamaw couldn't be with them. She wanted so badly to be a part of their lives, but for one reason or another, she has never gotten to spend any real length of time with them. 

Your Papaw has many grandbabies, your cousins Shain, DJ, Austin, Jessica, John Paul, Lillian, Selena and you. Like Mamaw, he has never been able to be a part of their lives. Mamaw and Papaw love their grandbabies but never get to be with them.

That is part of what makes you so important to them. Mamaw was there when you were born. She got to hold you when you were only minutes old. You were playing with Papaw and kicked his hand when you were still in Mommy's belly.

Your grandparents love you so much. You are the only one of the babies that they have ever gotten to snuggle and hold and give hugs and kisses to. When they see you, they are just beaming with love and joy. I think they love you more than their own children.

They have both told me several times that you are their favorite grandbaby and that they can't remember ever being as happy as they are when they hold you. They love to cuddle with you and see your beautiful face. 

You are such a treasure to them. They are old and weary and you brighten up their entire world and ease all of their pain and worries. I really truly hope that they live long enough for you to understand how much you mean to them, and for you to remember them loving you.

INTRODUCTION

Hi Lisbeth! 

I decided to start keeping a blog for you, filled with stories about you as you grow, pictures, things I want to tell you, things I want to do together or places I want to take you, etc.

Right now, you are exactly 11 weeks old. You are 20" tall and weigh 7lbs 3oz. You still wear preemie clothes and diapers, though you are slowly working your way toward newborn sizes.

Every person who sees you swears that you are the most beautiful baby they've ever seen. I know I am biased becos I am your mother, but I agree. You are absolutely divine. I think every time I see you that God must have sent me the most gorgeous angel in Heaven.

Well, I think that's enough of an introduction. Lisbeth, honey, your mommy loves you so much and I look forward to every second spent with you. <3